We’re starting to plan a little memorial for you. Nothing big like at the wedding. Just a few people–maybe just us. Don’t know yet. We want to take your ashes to the beach. They look like beach sand. Your daddy wants to set off fireworks. They’re special.

This fourth of july, just a week or so away from losing you, we set off fireworks in the driveway. The first loud one made you jump, and then you wouldn’t stop! You kicked along with all the bangs, and wiggled and squirmed when the bright flashes came. You felt happy inside me, the way you bounced around. When your daddy took too long before setting off another one, you started kicking like you were fussing for more! I told you not to encourage your father, and he came over and put his hands on you and said “this one’s for you, kid.” We laughed felt like you were laughing with us. You liked the bright flashing ones best. It was probably the very best day of our whole life with you. We all played together. And that night your daddy petted my belly and talked to you. Kissed you goodnight.

When we talk about it now, his face lights up. When he describes it, he’s animated and happy. In that moment I get to see him completely involved in being a daddy. That is priceless to me.

I’m so glad we had that wonderful, fun night. I’m glad that your little life was full of happiness and love.

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