I wish I could hold you one more time. I remember so clearly how your little head fit into my hand. I wish I had held you longer. I wish I had kissed you more. I wish I could be in that moment where the world stood still and it was just you and me. It was only a few minutes, but it was ours.

Today I printed out all the pictures I have of you to put in your baby book. I’ve spent all day looking at all the pictures of you–picking which ones I want in your album, scanning in the ultrasound so I can keep them on better-quality paper. They’re spread out in what would have been your room.

Looking at them makes me miss you more. I wish your life wasn’t summed up in a handful of 4×6’s. I wish I had more to hold than an empty blanket. I wish you were kicking inside of me, counting down the days until you came.

I wish.

Advertisements