We had to go to the hospital for fluids last night. It wasn’t as bad as I feared; I actually took the IV needle like a champ. Which is amazing, given that I cried and delayed for an hour when I had to get the IV when you were born. Granted, that was a pretty different situation, but it was a more normal reaction for me! I was in the hospital for four hours, dripping away on the IV with your Daddy sitting next to me, petting my hand and watching the World’s Strongest Man competition on ESPN.

They gave me Phenergan, which is the only medicine we hadn’t tried yet. It has stopped the vomiting so far, although it makes me very tired. I’m actually keeping fluids down and am planning on eating a banana when your Grandma L. gets back from the store.

I actually lost twelve pounds over the last week. That was when the doctor went from “well, if it gets worse you’ll need to go to the ER” to “Get thee to the IV fluids, stat.” And I got the official diagnosis of Hyperemesis, lucky me.

I’ve gotten so weak from all the vomiting and lack of food that the doctor wants me off work until Wednesday. Which sucks, both because of the income I’ll lose and because people get all resentful if you have to miss work. But at least I have a note from my doctor. And, I am profoundly grateful that I am no longer quite so sick. Crushing exhaustion I can deal with better than this. Just another form of perspective, I guess. I mean, when I carried you, the crushing exhaustion from the Reglan was almost more than I could bear. But now I think I can stand the exhaustion just fine, so long as I can eat and drink enough that I don’t feel like I’m dying.

I’ve been in good health the majority of my life, until we started trying to make babies. Somewhere under all the weakness and shakiness is sadness and anger that this whole babymaking thing gets infused with this almost mythic glow when really it’s a violent pitfall-ridden hazing period full of horror and shame and sorrow and frustration. I feel like I’ve been swept under the rug; the cultural mythos of pregnancy doesn’t actually include people like us.

I’m going to try and keep down a banana and take another nap.

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